A Time to Reflect… and Decide

deep-thoughtThe last few days, I have found myself deep in thought… probably more than I should.  As many of you have guessed I haven’t spent a lot of time on the site or on social media.  To be honest I am not even sure why.    Whether a busy work schedule or time on the road, I have always had time to share, but the last few months have found me looking through a different pair of glasses.

Have I reached the mid-life crisis everyone talks about?  I don’t know.  My thoughts and life continue to progress forward as I want it to – with challenges along the way.   I have to admit though, the challenges seemed to be a little more out of my control and maybe that is my biggest challenge of all.

I had gotten to a point in my life where I found that challenges I did not have any control over should not have a place in my life.  So I started to put those aside and things started to flow better for me.  The only thing is, that those challenges were probably the toughest for me because they presented the most mystery – which may be why I wanted to take them on.  The challenges that were directly in front of me, I could identify with and formulate a plan on how to meet the challenge and continue to move forward.  Whether the plan works or not the challenge was met.  So what happens when the challenges are not challenging enough?

That is where I am now.  When my direct challenges are not there or far and few between, I find myself gravitating more to the challenges I can’t control.  Trying to help where help is not wanted or needed, or worse overstepping and overcommitting – because I can.  While it may be appreciated, I really don’t think it is something I should be doing.  It can lead to being taken advantage of.

infinity-time1So what is the next step forward for me?  Where is the next new challenge?  I am not sure.  When I look at where I am today – I think of myself in a somewhat good place.  Sure, it could be better, but I am not struggling as I was years ago.  I think the biggest challenge I have right now is time.  To a degree I have too much of it and it is uncomfortable.  I have the time to spend with my family,  time for my career and even time to myself – I started writing again and the initial responses have been positive and yet there is time for other things as well.  It is not something I am used to.

That is not to say my time is spent wisely.  I am still lazy and IT SHOWS.  My motivation is what needs the most amount of work.  It is coming in spurts right now.  When it happens I pour all of my energy into what ever I am facing, but now I think it is time to look in the mirror and pour the energy into me again.  I don’t want to sound selfish, but as I have been told and repeated to others – you can’t take care of anyone until you can take care of yourself – and I have not been taking care of myself the last few years.  I spent a good portion of my time making sure my career was set, my wife and kids were cared for and tried to put myself in that good place by trying to mend fences.  While some of the fences were mended, others were damaged further and all the while, I continued to decline – putting up the facade that everything was okay.

got-faith_t_-_copy2Maybe I am looking for answers, suggestions or someone to point me in the right direction… What do you think?  And before you go down the religious road… DON’T.  While I respect those who are devoted to their faith, I am much more tangible and materialistic… If I can’t see it, hear it, or feel it… it is harder for me to believe it.  I also have a tough time believing in something or someone who has the power to stop the tragic events we live in and allows them to continue sometimes with catastrophic conclusions.  Based on my life, I believe our destiny is already decided for us and how we choose to live our life determines the next part of our journey.  I try to live my life this way…

Consider the next part of your journey and your journey on earth is over… that journey can be either very smooth and enjoyable or very rocky and difficult.  That path is yours to choose, but is also based on two questions….

  1. Have you found joy in your life?
  2. Has your life brought joy to others?

While I have found joy, I am still trying to determine if my life has in fact brought joy to others.

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